


you don't love me in a way i understand

by charliedalton59



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Breakup, M/M, Pining, every single character in this deserves the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliedalton59/pseuds/charliedalton59
Summary: Neil dumps Charlie.(title from Richard Silken)
Relationships: Charlie Dalton/Neil Perry, Charlie Dalton/Steven Meeks (implied), Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	you don't love me in a way i understand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [carpexdiem (starrytobios)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrytobios/gifts).



It still hurts.

Months after their breakup, Charlie still hurts. He doesn’t know when it will stop, but he does know that it feels like someone had started squeezing his heart and hadn’t let go. 

He didn’t think it would have ended so painfully. They had been friends for years beforehand, and clearly both of them assumed that they would be friends for years afterwards. Looking back, he feels dumb— when you love someone so hard for so long, of course it hurts when they leave you. And isn’t that the worst part? Neil had left him, chosen someone else. 

Maybe that’s unfair, Charlie thinks. But Charlie has always had a big heart, has always felt things stronger than Neil. Why would he stop now?

\---

He looks happier, Charlie thinks. Neil has a new boyfriend, some kid named Todd. Charlie thinks he looks like a kitten would scare him. He’s not like Charlie; he’s soft and quiet and reminds Charlie of one of those chunky-knit sweaters.

Neil’s smile is wide and his eyes crinkle in the corners. Charlie is still in love with him. It’s hard to get over that kind of love— the kind that hurts if you think about it too hard. Todd writes poetry and gives Neil heart eyes. 

\--

It’s been eight months since Neil dumped Charlie. Their relationship had been on the decline for awhile and none of their friends were surprised when they broke up officially. He can’t help but resent that. What was so predictable about us splitting, Charlie thinks. I thought we would last forever, and you guys did too, so why’d you stop believing? 

When Neil gets Puck in the play at Henley Hall, he runs to tell Charlie first, and God, that feels good. If he squeezes his eyes shut and thinks hard, he can still hear Neil calling, “Charlie, I got the part!” and banging on his door. Things had felt normal for a few short seconds, until Neil had inevitably ran to Todd next. Charlie’s happiness had shattered, and he felt bad for feeling bad. Of course he wanted Neil to be happy. But why couldn’t he have been happy with Charlie? 

\---

Charlie is staring out his dorm window and thinking about Neil. Earlier that night had been his play, and he had been so good. He doesn’t know what he could even say about Neil’s performance. It had been the best thing Charlie had ever seen.

Afterwards, Mr. Perry had dragged Neil to his car and driven them back home. Charlie was bothered by Neil’s longing stare out the rearview window. When everyone got back to Welton, Charlie went up to his dorm. He didn’t have the heart to celebrate with his friends.

He was good, Charlie thinks. He was really good.

\---

In the end it’s Todd who saves Neil. If it can be called saving. Charlie doesn’t feel as upset as he would have expected. He still loves Neil, and it still hurts sometimes, but he knows that he’s not Neil’s person. He can’t be Todd.

Neil comes back to school. I still love him, Charlie thinks. But it doesn’t hurt anymore. That’s all Charlie can ask for. And hey, who knows— he thinks that Meeks has nice eyelashes. Maybe it’ll work out for him.

**Author's Note:**

> happy valentine's day sani!! hope you enjoyed <3


End file.
